I do customer support. I am on the phone almost nonstop most days. I'm trained to let my customer tell me their computer problem, then to listen sympathetically and ultimately try to figure out how to solve the problem. If we could just transfer that training to our daily conversations, it would make life much easier. Maybe we could add a new classroom topic for our schoolchildren called "Daily Conversation Etiquette."

While I love to talk, I also try to be a good listener. When I'm having a conversation with friends, sometimes I have to remind myself to "take turns" and let the friend tell me her news, too, especially if I haven't seen her for a while and am excited about sharing some things.

As we spend more time in one-sided oration via instant messages and e-mails, when we're together often we continue to employ the same form of one-sided conversation – one person will just run on and on, not realizing (or caring) that he or she is monopolizing the conversation.

Or worse, right in the middle of my sentence, they just start talking about their own stuff again, as though I wasn't even speaking.

While I'm complaining, another pet peeve of mine is to be talking to someone who is obviously just waiting for me to complete my sentence so he or she can talk again – you know the type. As you are speaking, their head is nodding, but you know beyond a doubt that they aren't listening or they're gazing around the room, obviously not engaged in the conversation at hand.

Another area of guilt that we all fall into is whining. I'm a firm believer that a major part of being good friends is being comfortable enough to vent every now and then. We all need it, and we need to reciprocate by allowing our friends to vent. But I think we should have some "venting rules."

Here are my Four Rules of Whining:

1. Don't whine about everything – pick the most important things that bother you and ask your friend to listen.

2. Remember, your whining saps your friend's energy and creates a negative mood for both of you, so only do it when necessary.

3. Make a list of the things you whine about on a regular basis – it's too cold, it's too hot, I'm too heavy, I'm too thin, I don't like my neighbor, etc. – and then really listen to yourself for a day. You'll be surprised at how many unimportant things you expect someone to listen to.

4. Be grateful, too. We are all guilty of complaining way too much and need to be grateful for the good, and stop focusing on the bad.

A dear friend recently sent me a little purple rubber bracelet. It's stamped with a Web site called acomplaint freeworld.org. It's a 21-day program their church is doing. You are supposed to switch the bracelet between wrists every time you catch yourself complaining – the first few days I wore it, it went back and forth a lot. Their Web site says: "Your thoughts create your world and your words indicate your thoughts. When you eliminate complaining from your life you will enjoy happier relationships, better health and greater prosperity."

Why not shock your friends and go a full 24 hours without saying anything negative? Good luck!

Elouise Plain of Plano works as software support staff and is a Community Voices volunteer columnist. Her e-mail address is tm2write@hotmail.com.

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