My 21-year-old daughter, "Kelly," has worked in a small retail store for several months. She recently saw a shoplifter trying to steal shoes by wearing them out of the store.

No one had ever told Kelly how to deal with shoplifters. She tried to delay the thief by talking with him, then picked up the phone to call her boss, who was in the back. The shoplifter ran out and was long gone by the time the manager arrived.

Kelly's boss immediately started yelling "Why did you let him go?" and "Can't you do your job right?" She is quite upset about her unfair treatment but needs to keep this job until she finishes college. The pay is good, the location is close to home, and she enjoys the work. What do you think we should do about this?

Kelly's manager was clearly out of line, since tackling criminals is certainly not part of her job description. But if he's never yelled at her before, she should probably cut him a little slack.

Just as Kelly wasn't trained in handling shoplifters, so her manager may not have been trained in leadership skills. And he was undoubtedly caught up in the heat of the moment.

To prevent a repeat performance, she needs to clarify expectations. For example: "Mr. Smith, I really wasn't sure what to do when I saw that guy stealing shoes. What is our policy about shoplifters?" If no policy exists, she might suggest developing one.

At 21, Kelly is old enough to handle problems on her own but young enough to learn from those with more work experience. So even though you may be inclined to defend your child, remember that you can be more helpful as a coach and a mentor.

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